My Identity Crisis...

So I am creating this for reasons I don't even know. I came to this site to see a friends blog and for some reason found myself creating one. I already have a Xanga. So why did I create this? Then when it came time to name the site, I knew. This site is a place for me to be real with myself. I was thinking to myself, I need to get some self therapy, but where was I to find it? And then I came here. No ones knows about this site, and maybe one day when I stop asking the question about who would I be if I wasn't me,because I will finally know who I am. And then I will be able to tell people about this site. Most of the things I put here won't be happy, because all of the happy stuff I have shared somewhere else. This place will be for my darker side. The side I rarely let show. So we are off like a heard of turtles:

1. I was molested by my cousin. From the time since I can remember until I entered high school he touched me sexually. I don't know if I consider it my fault or not. I have not gotten that far. I sometimes think that I am gay...actually I think it a lot of the time. I'm scared really. I don't think it matters that I don't want to be. I hear people saying that it is a choice, and maybe it is. But as of right now I am confused. I normally think that you are born the way you are. I think that my normal growth was thwarted by my cousin. I have a feeling that I would at least have a concrete answer about this huge aspect of my identity! I don't want to talk about this anymore. This has exhausted me more than I knew it would. I am going to move on...

2. I don't feel man enough. That is all I have to say about that right now.

3. I think I am going to hell, because I can not seem to find God in the way that I feel Him.

I have got a lot of searching to do...