Understanding Is Slipping Out Of My Grasp...

2 nights ago there was a gathering at one of my friends house. A few of my fraternity brothers were there as well as the sorority that we hang out with the most. Of my brothers there, I did not feel as if I knew one of them. There was another gathering last night. Again, no recognition of these people who I have spent 3 years with. These people who I have spent my breaks with instead of my family. Because I had considered them family. I feel as though I am just floating along in their presence. Saying the things I am expected to say. Giving in to the drama that is ever presence. I love my brothers, I really do. I just don't understand them. And they can never understand me. The is one brother, who I feel the closest to. But even him, I am feeling more and more detached from. I don't know what is happening. I don't feel like an active participant in my own life. How did I get here? On another note, I have decided that I am not going to MOCSA. They are not for me. I need something different. I want to speak with someone, but I am not at that point yet. I need to move on but I can't. I want my friends back. I want my home back. I want my life back. But most of all I want me back. But I don't know if if was ever me. That is so frustrating to deal with. I don't know where to go from here. And I am not content with that. I feel progress is moving forward and I have become stagnant. One of these days, I will be able to know myself. That is my hope and if I can't hope, then what can I have.